My son, Kevin, recently completed inpatient services there at Penn Foundation. While I was more than favorably impressed by the entire staff, Keith Smith needs to be singled out for exemplary, dedicated and compassionate service to my son and the entire family.  I can't say enough how much assistance he provided for Kevin and played a key role in setting Kevin up for a successful run at a "clean" and independent future.  Thank you, RDM

STRATEGIES FOR BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM

Crises of self-esteem are a part of the human experience. When you feel troubled by low self- esteem, review the suggestions below and choose those that are relevant to your situation and work on them. Be patient with yourself: change takes time and steadfast work.

1. Free yourself from "should've". Live your life on the basis of what is possible for you and what feels right to you instead of what you or others think you "should" do. "Should've" distract us from identifying and fulfilling our own needs, abilities, interests and personal goals. Find out what you want and what you are good at, value those, and take actions designed to fulfill your potential.
2. Respect your own needs. Recognize and take care of your own needs and wants first. Identify what really fulfills you--not just immediate gratification's. Respecting your deeper needs will increase your sense of worth and well-being.
3. Set achievable goals. Establish goals on the basis of what you can realistically achieve, and then work step-by-step to develop your potential. To strive always for perfectionist absolute goals--for example, "Anything less than an A in school is always unacceptable"--invites stress and failure.
4. Talk to yourself positively. Stop listening to your "cruel inner critic." When you notice that you are doubting or judging yourself, replace such thoughts with self- accepting thoughts, balanced self-assessment and self-supportive direction.
5. Test your reality. Separate your emotional reactions--your fears and bad feelings-- from the reality of your current situation. For example, you may feel stupid, anxious and hopeless about a project, but if you think about it, you may still have the ability and opportunity to accomplish something in it.
6. Experience success. Seek out and put yourself in situations in which the probability of success is high. Look for projects which stretch--but don't overwhelm--your abilities. "Image" yourself succeeding. Whatever you accomplish, let yourself acknowledge and experience success and good feelings about it.
7. Take chances. New experiences are learning experiences which can build self- confidence. Expect to make mistakes as part of the process; don't be disappointed if you don't do it perfectly. Feel good about trying something new, making progress and increasing your competence.
8. Solve problems. Don't avoid problems, and don't moil about them. Face them, and identify ways to solve them or cope with them. If you run away from problems you can solve, you threaten your self-confidence.
9. Make decisions. Practice making and implementing positive decisions flexibly but firmly, and trust yourself to deal with the consequences. When you assert yourself, you enhance your sense of yourself, learn more, and increase your self-confidence.
10. Develop your skills. Know what you can and can't do. Assess the skills you need; learn and practice those.
11. Emphasize your strengths. Focus on what you can do rather than what you cannot. Accept current limitations and live comfortably within them, even as you consider what strengths you might want or need to develop next.

After a While...

After a while... you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn... that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security,

And you begin... to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises,

And you begin... to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult,

And you learn... to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans,

After a while... you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So plant your own garden... and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn... that you really can endure... that you really are strong, and you really do have worth....!

The Oak Tree

A mighty wind blew night & day

It stole the oak trees leaves away

Then snapped its’ boughs and pulled its’ bark

Until the oak was tired and stark

But still the oak held its’ ground

While other trees fell all around

The weary wind gave up and spoke

“How can you still be standing, oak?”

The oak tree said, “I know that you

Can break each branch of mine in two.

Carry every leaf away

Shake my limbs and make me sway.”

“But I have roots stretched in the earth

Growing stronger since my birth.”

“You’ll never touch them, for you see

They are the deepest part of me.”

“Until today, I was not sure

Of just how much I could endure.”

“But now I know with thanks to you

I’m stronger than I ever knew!”

Wow, reading some of these stories is like reading about my son & me.  My anger is so intense!!!  I am angry with him & angry with his dad for introducing the drugs & alcohol to him.  My son was sheltered & over-protected all his life… until dad came back into his life.  Now for the past 5 years the fear of my son dying is as real as the air I breathe & it is not fair!!  Why would anyone do this to their own child ?? All I can do is pray to God that my son wants help & wants to live & see his daughter grow up. I pray that God gives him the strength to fight this addiction.

Comment from the Director:

You are suffering terribly. I hear that. Each family situation is unique and yet the terrible pain brought on by addiciton is the same. When you say that, “All I can do is pray…” I wonder whether or not there is more than can be done.  We know of many, many families that have asked us the question, “well what else can we do?”  In almost every case, we have found that there is a lot we can do.  Loved ones get better faster if the famly becomes involved.  Consider call our admission department…ask them, “is there something else you can do?”  You might find out the phone call can be the first step in discovering “Yes!  There is something I can do!”  Sincerely,  The director.

I enjoyed meeting Yvonne Kaye today with Alan introducing her at the Family Education meeting.  Both the Alan and Yvonne were sensitive to the needs of Family Ed audience.  Penn Foundation’s concept is simple & radical, to involve the family of the addicted individual, and help clarify their role in treatment and recovery.

Recommended reading:
Beautiful Boy: A Father’s Journey Through His Son’s Addiction
It depicts father-son anguish, with first-person-narrative and how ADDICTION impacts an entire family.

For the first time in a long time I find myself sitting down and not having to worry every second of every day if my son is coming home.   And when he does come home will he be coherent or combative or worse, non responsive.  My son is only a few days in a recovery house, but I can hear in his voice he is nervous and a little scared but he is trying - something he hasn’t done in a long time. He called this afternoon to say he had a sponsor and when I hung up the phone I cried, not tears of sorrow, but joy.  I have Penn Foundation to thank for that.

He has been to rehab three times.  The first facility was not family or patient oriented, it was more of a “factory”, come in and we’ll fix you, it didn’t work.

But then someone was looking out for us because we found Penn Foundation. I feel like I found a family, one that listens, one that supports, and one that cares not only about their patients but about the patient’s families.

I know I have a long haul ahead of me, and my son has even a longer one. But knowing that I can pick up the phone any day and know I can get help has given me a new outlook on life. I just wanted to say THANK YOU!!!

I specially want to thank Alan for all his continued support.

I wanted to commend you, as Director, for the wonderful job the Recovery Center does for the addict and for the addict’s family.

My son was in-patient there and received caring, professional care.  Dr. Newton restored his (and our) faith in psychiatry, and his counselor made a real connection with him.  My son is now living at a halfway house in Lititz where he seems to be getting continued help in his recovery and we are cautiously hopeful.

The Family Education Program is outstanding and specifically has helped my husband and I through a very traumatic time for our family.  To know we were not alone any longer in working through this despair was overwhelming. We have never met more compassionate, committed people to help us through this ordeal.

Thank you again for the wonderful job you do!!

I have been in-patient at Penn Foundation Recovery Center 2 times.  The first time was about 3 years ago, the second was about 6 months ago.

The first time I was here I paid no attention to anything anyone told me, because I knew it all.  They told me that addiction was a “disease”.  I thought that was a load of crap.  I could quit when I wanted to, I just never really wanted to.  I didn’t even want to quit while I was in rehab, I just went in that first time to get out of some trouble.

So then 3 years later I found myself living on people’s couches (if they would let me).  I even had to sleep in my car a few nights, but I was lucky I still had my car - I had lost everything else.

I was lucky enough to get back in to Penn Foundation Recovery Center.  It was interesting that a lot of the same staff people were there, they remembered me and welcomed me.  They asked me while I was going through the admission process “what is going to be different this time?” The biggest difference was me.  This time I knew that I didn’t know anything!

I felt like a new baby learning how to walk.  I listened to everything the staff had to say, and even looked to the “techs” for advice.  The Penn Foundation has a great program.  They even helped me find a place to live that was a clean and sober environment.  I couldn’t go back to my friends couches (not that I wanted to) but didn’t think there were other options.  I am currently living in a “Recovery House” that Penn Foundation helped me get in to.

The most important thing I could tell someone thinking about going into treatment is to please listen.  The staff only want to help.  Its like going to the doctor…  you don’t go to the doctor and tell him he’s full of crap for telling you that you are sick.  The staff are the same.  They are telling you how to get better, if you listen.

I am writing to let you know how I am doing since completing my out-patient treatment at your facility.

I have remained clean and sober and I attend “12 Step” meetings regularly.  My counselor recommended that I at least attend a few meetings before I make a judgement about them.  I really didn’t want to go, but I figured that trying a few couldnt hurt.  I really like that nothing was forced on me.  My counselor didn’t make me do anything, just encouraged and recommended.

Thank you, Penn Foundation, for giving me the push I needed to get me to go to meetings.  I have new sober friends that are actually good influences on me.